(You can also watch this story on my YouTube)
It’s been two years since I started living between two countries. An unplanned turn that felt equal parts reckless and necessary.
It started with leaving my 9-5 in L.A., and betting on myself as a Storyteller. Followed by the search for a place where I could stretch my savings, stay close to family, and figure out my next move.
There were only two cities that fit the bill. One of them being the centre of excellence, the city that never sleeps, Lagos
Now, I’d admit that Lagos wasn’t my first choice. There was too much bad blood between us, and I hated who I became because of it. Guarded. Cynical. Hardened…It’s a long story for another day.
But anyway, because of this, in my first year back in Lagos, I described my home as a bunker. I told myself that Lagos was the place I’d hide out, keep my head down, and grind through the Winter months. Come summer, I’d return to the second city, Toronto.
And so, it became.
I grew deeply antisocial and isolated myself often. No matter the plans I made or how hard I worked, things just kept falling apart. At home, work, with people...take your pick! It felt like I was journeying through the nine circles of hell on a daily basis.
I remember bursting into tears the moment I sat in my sister’s car at the Toronto airport. It came from this overwhelming relief, tangled with the ache from playing survivor during that window in Lagos.
And for the next couple of weeks that followed, I spent a good chunk of it reflecting. I was just trying to figure out what actually went well, all that didn’t, and what I could do differently when I return to Lagos.
Because the truth is, I don’t know how long it is going to take for my storyteller dream to unfold, and I can’t spend this current moment waiting for the next one, assuming it will solve all my problems.
So, when it was time to return to Nigeria this time around, I promised to approach it differently. I stopped calling my home a bunker for starters. Then, I set out to build a softer relationship with Lagos; a little less guarded, a little more curious.
And so it became!
I opened myself up to more connections and started forming new friendships. I found my way back to community work with my reading and walking club. I joined an unofficial fishing club, even though most of what we do is lie around and enjoy the view. I spent way more time with my loved ones.
Small, small, I started to open up again, and Lagos returned the favour.
I’m learning everyday that life is what we make it.
Because it’s easy to assume that this time around, everything was good, right? But the reality here is that I chose to pay more attention to the good.
The good people I am surrounded by, the joy of another day after watching a beautiful sunrise, birds singing on a sunny day. It’s all about perspective.
It’s been two years since I started splitting my time between Toronto and Lagos. An unplanned turn that now feels equal parts intentional and necessary.
And as I pack my bags to head back to Toronto for the Summer, I realize that this is the first time I’m leaving Nigeria without feeling like I’m running away. I’m going to miss my new routine, my community, and the type of self-discovery that only seems to happen here.
Lagos and I will always have our differences, but it feels good to outgrow the dread that once came with it. Be right back.
stay less guarded and more curious, my dear!
Osẹ̀
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